The baby is coming anytime. Ben and I have been in a shuffled mess. I, an already over extensive organizer and planner and perfectionist, have lost my marbles. I'm so pumped but I also want everything perfect - because I know once the baby comes, the house chores and everything else will take a back seat. PUMPED ABOUT BABY PAX - don't get me wrong. BUT none the less I am doing this all in a matter of weeks rather than 9 months..(God knew I couldn't wait that long). MY WHOLE LIFE has been on this miracle..my thoughts, my actions, my planning, my time, my love, my energy...everything on this promise. God honored my heart. When I don't deserve this promise HE gave. HE gave me this opportunity. HE gave me the best and fastest chance at being a mother. HE gave me a church that would rise to the occasion and help me get my house in order for a baby. HE gave us the finances to fix a house that was falling at the seems. HE gave me friends that stayed at my house endless hours doing free labor. HE gave his son that I might have access to HIM and be an HEIR of deserving promises when MY sin said otherwise. Yet HE has taken a backseat for the last few weeks. The PROMISE KEEPER has taken a back seat to the PROMISE.
Weeks before the news of the little one reached our ear. I was stuck in my studies of His Word in Exodus - on the Israelites as they were in the desert. Complaining that they were better off in Egypt than heading to the promise... I was telling you all on my facebook and twitter how I related so much to the Israelites. Now, at this moment, I feel much like the Israelites as they plundered their promise land and rather than offering the plunder to God some of them kept it for themselves. As if it had more value than the one that created it all. Girl, please. I'm very much like them that kept for themselves the plunder.
God I'm sorry. Have mercy on me.
I believe we can find ourselves in this place after receiving a promise. There has to be a medium ground. The promise keeper has to be the focus not what flows from Him. What flows from Him is the blessing of following him. Being able to greatly appreciate what flows from Him only comes when we still keep our eyes on Him when we receive it. I also firmly believe if our eyes are planted on Him while we are receiving..we will not hinder the way we get it, the pace in which we get it and the great value that God intended it to have.
Lord I do not want to delay your promises to come because I'm too busy enveloped on a promise I received now. I love you LORD. I'm trying. I'm sorry I flopped.