Saturday, April 21, 2012

"A Purpose In The Promise"--Lesa's Take

Let me just start by saying that the God we serve is an Extraordinary God with the Power to give strength to those who are weak, save those who feel like they can’t be saved, and heal even the most seemingly damaged people. There is nothing Impossible for our God and once we understand the magnitude of that and that alone, then we can see how supernaturally overnight, a heart can heal… even when that heart seems to have an abundance of spread out broken pieces. God finds every Single Piece and molds them back together...

"God made my life complete
when I placed all the pieces before him.
When I cleaned up my act,
he gave me a fresh start.
Indeed, I've kept alert to God's ways;
I haven't taken God for granted.
Every day I review the ways he works,
I try not to miss a trick.
I feel put back together,
and I'm watching my step.
God rewrote the text of my life
when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes." 2 Samuel 22:21-25

The sun sank down into the earth and watched the moon pass slowly by. I was excited to see the sun retreat. The darkness connected to my mourning and it revealed to me what I was to confront in the shadows: Lost. Broken. Confusion. Sadness. Grief. Pain. Heartache. Stress. Sorrow.

           In a Jail without any Iron Bars, I was holding myself prisoner. All these painful things that the enemy wanted me to feel was waging a war in my mind. I sulked around the house not wanting to eat. Not wanting to be okay. I thought that if I was okay, then that would make me heartless. I thought that if I was going to heal in one day, then I was insensitive and that I would look like I didn’t love Paxton. I thought that if I was going to smile, then I would have been considered lacking compassion.

" O Lord, if you heal me, I will be truly healed;
if you save me, I will be truly saved.
My praises are for you alone!" Jeremiah 17:14

            My soul wanted me to be joyous. I could feel it… Ready to Worship… I didn’t understand… “But how God, I don’t understand. Why am I supposed to sing songs of praise? How am I supposed to be happy in the midst of my suffering? Shouldn’t I be depressed God?”

            The answer came quickly. As I sought the LORD, my heart was overflowing with joy and peace. It didn’t make sense. Why am I okay!? Confused about my afflictions, I laid down, exhausted. Looking at my ceiling, God and I began a very intimate conversation.

“God, why do I feel okay?”

“Because you did as I asked.”

“But God, How do I know it was you that asked this of me, and not me being selfish? How do I know I did it for you?”

“Do you remember the story of Moses?”

“Yes, God.”

“Do you remember why his mother gave him up?”

“To save his life Father, The Pharaoh was killing baby boys.”

“This is true, but there’s another reason. This reason alone explains how you know you did it for me.”

“What’s that God?”

“The circumstances that surrounded her were my doing. All the bad, was intended for Good. It was intended for me. If Pharaoh hadn’t been killing baby boys, she would have never placed him in the river, and he would have never set my people free. So you see, you got pregnant surrounded by bad circumstances. Circumstances that allowed you to give your baby up…in all the Bad, because of your obedience, things are going to turn out for the Good. This is how you know, you did it for ME.”

            Shocked at all the information I was receiving. I felt like a crazy person that was talking to herself. My soul still at ease…I thought about Paxton and the amazing things that could come of this.

            God hand picked Ben and Jamie. He molded the circumstances that surrounded me so Paxton would end up in their home…Just like he allowed the river to flow directly to the Queen of Egypt. It was by no accident that he closed every avenue I attempted to go down and opened up one door—the door that would best glorify Him and show his Faithfulness to his people.

      "You're going to leap like a gazelle for joy, and not only you—many will delight in his birth. He'll achieve great stature with God.
15-17"He'll drink neither wine nor beer. He'll be filled with the Holy Spirit from the moment he leaves his mother's womb. He will turn many sons and daughters of Israel back to their God. He will herald God's arrival in the style and strength of Elijah, soften the hearts of parents to children, and kindle devout understanding among hardened skeptics—he'll get the people ready for God."  Luke 1:14-17

            Growing more and more in love with the way God planned our Story, I finally felt relieved. I couldn’t believe how fast I was healing. I wanted to dance, sing, and just praise Him with all that I had.

            I got up and turned on my worship music. Choosing a remedial song—Where the Healing Begins—I threw my hands in the air and got on my knees. Crying my eyes out…for the first time since leaving the hospital, these were not tears of sadness, but rather tears of extreme gladness. Tears of hope streamed from my eyes, with a great satisfaction of knowing that God had abundantly more for his Servant and that Paxton would become a great man of God under the authority of a Godly family that he chose just for him.

            In one night, my open wound of weakness, became a strengthened heart of God backed up with more than just a bandage.

            When He puts together the broken pieces of our hearts, he places the Holy Spirit inside before closing the wound back up…Allowing us to not only heal for a night, but to heal for a lifetime.

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