I'll get right to it.
After what seemed like a deep feeling in my soul to point of feeling it in my throat - I asked Jesus this morning what the crap?...
And He answered with a question. "What's going on?"
"We'll Jesus you know everything. You tell me." And without pause to listen. I continued to talk. I began to repent and then tell God what I knew Him to be in my life. I told him my disatisfactions and mixed it with the many things I'm thankful for..
Then I said it.
As if my whole being had felt this way but hadn't told my cognitive mind it.
"I guess God, I just want the truth to hurt more."
Then what came after was revelation.
"Because if the truth hurt more, maybe my hardened heart would repent more promptly. If the truth hurt more, my soul would run eagerly to You and Your righteousness. If the truth hurt more I would live more victorious and less defeated. If the truth hurt more I would be compelled to do the most with what I already have. If the truth hurt more His Word would mean more, I would have deeper & more reverently pure feelings towards injustice, and every soul would matter - even the ones that offend or hurt me."
I was always told to be careful what you ask for. As if being we don't want to be imposed. Life needs to be easy, unchallenged, and unconfrontational.
I'm over careful - in the way I've known it to be. Careful can be associated to being weak, avoidant, and cautious.
Unless it's to be care FULL to Love the LORD.
"So be very careful to love the LORD your God." - Joshua 23:11
Careful - Attentive, heedful & mindful.
I want to be attentive, heedful & mindful of TRUTH.
I want it to sting, hurt, be memorable and break my heart.