...stay where you are. You are making decent money and having to work very little. You love your job and the people you work with. You are crazy to walk away from a position at a place most stylists would kill for. What are your guest going to do? They aren't going to understand. What about those that come to you to get spiritually refreshed. How will you be able to minister to them? This isn't ideal in an economy ever shifting. How will you pay all your bills? And have extra for fun shopping sprees? Your kid is going to miss out on so many luxuries. How are you suppose to pay off the rest of your debts when you have no job? What kind of mother quits work, risks her kid's financial welfare and plans to move to another country with no means to get there? Don't you have a mission trip to pay for? What if you can't pay it? You're gonna look like a big fat fool. Work isn't going to understand. What if you leave saying you're going to do all these big things - and.....it.....never.....happens? People won't make sense of it. Some in the church already think you're a bit too zealous - even those that were suppose to have your back. You're too much. Too zealous. Too random. Too adventurous. Too off the cuff. Overboard.
Little did I know a few months ago that these questions would be dominating my mind.
December, I felt the process was beginning. Ben and I were going to be ready for it. I felt this sense that the atmosphere was changing. My sign to go would be when things were changing. The irony was I love change - especially if it's beneficial. I would hear, "Be still." And in response, I would say,"Just let me know when and, Lord, I will go." Not knowing at all what that looked like or what I was really telling God. But we'd committed that we were taking God at His Word.
January, I asked again. Daily I would hear, "Be still."
February 5th - as we are picking up breakfast for the church staff - unexpectantly. I heard, "It's time." I honestly thought God meant this whole time that He was gonna sell our house that day and direct us to the airport and we'd be living on a prayer and go. I'm good with that. But as I ate my delicious donut and talking with my little family before heading to the church - I had this sense the whole time - I had stepped into something that's going to require more enduring faith.
A few days later - I discovered things most definitely changing but not at the place I expected. Change was happening at my job. Requestioning God - making sure my spiritual hearing was correct - Was this what God meant? I was afraid for a minute - texting some girlfriends for prayer - then sensing this peace - this change wasn't meant for me. Where others were obviously disenchanted and fearful - I didn't emotionally invest - I would be talking to the owner soon enough and get the facts - then maybe I would have more clarity. As the days approached to talk to her - there was confirmation EVERYWHERE. In the books I was reading, what I was hearing God say as I sat still - in all the messages I was hearing, what was coming out of my friends mouths...what Ben was saying. I was to quit my job. I knew it was God because of what came next.
Fire within the deepest parts of my soul. Justice for orphans, safety for those never offered protection, for God to be obvious, for a broken world to be exposed to a Holy-EVER-PRESENT-God-Who-SEE-US. He was undoubtly calling me out. I am not capable - I am not qualified. I have NO way of doing this on so many LOGICAL levels. This was NOT the time to be quitting a job I love, getting paid well in and feel fulfilled in doing. AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THIS.
This all written to be a testament of God's faithfulness.
I'm not capable, but I am willing.
I step out of comfort and certainty - into the uncertain.
I step out of my light - into His.
Just give us Jesus.
The past few days of digging and seeking God's face - I've walked away with these truths.
Satan is a liar. And will give us the spirit of Discouragement. Keeping our eyes off a Father that is more than capable.
I have learned that: God is a God-Who-Sees-Me. (Genesis 16:13) While we may think we don't have enough time, money, resources, or know how for the task, God will use what we have. It's important to remember this, because otherwise we may be convinced that our contribution will be so small, insignificant, even inconsequential, that we decide to do nothing. (Undaunted by Christine Caine) Whoever saves one life saves the entire world. (Schindler's List) We are hear to be a light, set on a hill, exposed, bringing out the God colors in the world. By opening up to others - we compell others to open up to our Generous Father in heaven. (Matthew5:14-16 MSG) When Jesus died and rose again and gave us His Spirit - HE MADE US NECESSARY. (Isaiah 60:1-2 NKJV) All this Jesus loving with no ones life being changed by your faith - is as good as DEAD. (James 2:26) That Jesus is life-giving and the devil is life-sucking - So when I battle thoughts in my mind - say a loud 'no' to the devil and a silent 'yes' to Jesus and fill my mind with truth.
Logically my situation doesn't make sense. My family is called to live by faith. We are called to take God at His Word. That ALL will see that HE very possible and able. (Matthew 19:26).
"In the world you will have great tribulation." Jesus promised (John16:33 NKJV), and added, "but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."
We're called to show the world HE IS ABLE. To the unbeliever and the believer. The odds are stacked against our God dreams. But like Joshua and Caleb & David - Ben & I see God's ability and not the giants. Let the stone slinging begin. Let God be OBVIOUS and us in a servant's position toward the ALMIGHTY.