La Familia Update..

Aren't you all just so excited about VALENTINE'S!?! Well for the cynics out there...I'm not really interested in your response..I say as lovingly as possibly.

This weekend and the next week is very tender for us. Our first child..Paxton Oliver will 1 on Sunday. Next tuesday, Valentine's Day..was the first day a year ago that we brought our son home..and our life with him began. God did that for us. The next saturday we will celebrate his birthday with family and friends. Ben's sister will see him for the first time and family coming in from out of town and state...including Paw Paw Allen.

Even after a year...We're so in love with our birthmom Lesa. We adore her! She gave extravagantly.

Such huge blessings she and Paxton are. We grew by two not just one.

And now were on an adventure. Studying another culture, praying about the journey to come - while staying faithful on the journey now. It makes me think...if every year is going to bring such great opportunity..well one..I'm sticking with Jesus always...and...AND I'm so eager to know what else He has in store!

The last few days I've felt a little lazy though..I need to kick it in gear again. I need a day of rest though...hopefully Sunday. I'm in full fledge fast pace mode. As if in hopes it will speed up the waiting process.

God doesn't work that way though..bummer.

Next week we not only celebrate Paxton's Birthday..we will hopefully..HOPEfully meeting a coordinator with Children's Cup that weekend.

I'm requesting some prayers. That I can manage to get my head out of my booty. That my body feels better...I'm getting that feeling of sickness..blah and prayer for steadfastness, a focus..to be God focused - TRUSTING God to get us to where were going..not me.

I Was Wrong to Justify Him

For the Kingdom of God is not just a lot of talk; it is living by God’s power. (1 Corinthians 4:20 NLT)

I'm convicted. I'll be honest. I wrote a blog this morning in fury and arrogance...justifying it as boastfulness in the Lord. As if the Lord needs me to defend Him.

However it is not how I want to reach my family and friends, and it is not the model Jesus inhibited while here. If I had just continued to read 1 Corinthians rather than stopping in the first two chapters I would of known better. If you read this mornings blog I deleted it and I'm sorry.

I want to live a life that I would be proud of other followers of Jesus to imitate. Just as Paul to the church in Corinth.."So I urge you to imitate me." 1 Corinthians 4:16

I don't need to prove with words and theology that God is real..Proverbs often talks about how you can't rebuke a fool and you can't change them with words...

I'm determined that this life I live will represent the Lord well...the same power that rose Christ from the dead lives in me. His power and faithfulness to me will speak more than my "scriptural attacks" on those who call me foolish for following Jesus.

EXPECTANCY is Thy Word of Thy Day

"[What, what would have become of me] had I not believed that I would see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living! Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord." Psalm 27:13-14

Expectancy...being expectant!

I've never been physically expecting...as far as a baby in my belly. However...

I'm expecting. I don't only believe God will do something..I'm expecting it. And my life is reflecting it.

I'm no Jesus or Apostle Paul...who lived their life expecting God to show up. Moving from place to place with great favor and performing miracles and changing lives.

I'm so expectant...things I love and have had for years are going in boxes to be sold or given away. I'm so expectant I've put all our things for sale and got a second job to pay off small debts and save for our transition.

Expectant. Just as my son expects me to give him a bottle and food when he's hungry..I expect God to provide and I just lift my hands to recieve...God doing all the work...I'm open to trusting He will provide for every need.

Words too...that flow out of this mouth..Are expectant. Because I'm HOPE-FULL!

"Let Your mercy and loving-kindness, O Lord, be upon us, in proportion to our waiting and hoping for You." Psalm 33:22

IN PROPORTION TO OUR WAITING AND HOPING IN THE LORD.

What's your portion of HOPE? How long are you willing to wait? To wait in a mindset of HOPE and trust...?

What's that song..?? You're Love Never Fails??... God is Love...and He never ever fails!

YOU-n-I-que: The Difference Between You & I

Unidue. I'm still here. Yesterday I talked about and I'm just gonna cozy right on up to the subject again today. Gods teaching me something and I haven't quite got it yet..

Unique.

God has been using my son to teach me expectancy and trust in Him. I take much pride in the fact thwt my son is unkike most kids...he's laid back and independent, musically inclined, and very very reflective..he acts much older than what he is. He's also my first and very dear to me. In this God is showing me how dear I am to Him and also that He desires me to be much different from His other children.

I remember this time in the 6th grade I was coming into my own. I was a bit awkward until about 9th grade. Very unsure of myself..at home I was a spit fire and assertive and opinionated...at school I was just awkward. I made this friend and I was drawn to her..we eventually became inseparable...however when she first visited my house I followed very closely behind her..constantly asking her if she liked it...what the???? The 26 year old me wants to punch my 12 year old me in the face..

But what I remember the most is my mother's facial expression...she was use to seeing this vibrant, vastly opinionated and dominant girl now cower in desperation behind a perspective friend. As if she was disappointed and even a bit hurt that I had stooped so low..that what she provided didn't seem to fit the bill....to be so concerned of the approval of another about things my parents worked so hard to achieve and give us.

Even in this memory (which the Lord brought to my mind on the way home today) God is showing me that He is much like my mom. He's seeing me and knows me...my potential, the real me...but often when put to the fire I wonder if Im still that little girl...am I unique or do I find myself sometimes walking a life not made for me? Because it is approved by our culture...am I proud of where I call home in Jesus.. 100% of the time?

And do I honor God by fleshing out His own unique story for me? When He looks at me does He see me being like everyone else..or does He see me be me...?

I don't want to shame God. I deeply want what He uniquely has for me...not anything I've read or look to as success...but what He has for me to do...and I want to do it well. I want God to be glorified..even before the "well done, my good and faithful servant"..I want Him to embrace me firmly and say it with great boast...because I brought Him my very best, my everything.

And God has something for you too...You and I are different..on the same journey to drawing closer to Him...but still very different. It's God's creativity and BIGness that is glorified when we live God's exactly yet different and unique story out. He wants originals...one of a kinds... He boasts in them and is boasted the most through them.

Desiring YOUnique

I'm convinced that the Lord wants people to live their potential - to flesh out their calling..THEIR individual, unique, unlike anyone else, God's holy divine calling.

I believe it flatters God and brings Him MORE glory when we flesh out our life's calling through His eyes NOT the perspective of books we've read, people we look up to, great spiritual mentors....but the Lord...God of individuality. He's authentic.
We can easily want spiritual giant's stories...even refer our lives to stories in the Bible (as it is suppose to be used as a training tool).. We can dream with the help of others stories and covet what others have accomplished...we can flesh out our callings while trying to ailign our life in the back of our mind with those we desire to be like. However God wants to write NEW STORIES OF FAITH AND MIRACLES. HE WANTS TO BE IN THE FOREFRONT OF YOUR MIND AND HIS WORDS AND DIRECTION TO EMCOMPASS YOUR WHOLE MIND. HE WANTS YOU TO BE LIKE HIM...LIKE WHAT HE WANTS FOR YOU.

Be cautious not to seek out others life...God has specific uniqueness solely for you to flesh out. When we find ourselves being much like others rather than God's fulfillment..we will grow weary FAST!

"Do you know the saying, "Drink from your own rain barrel, draw water from your own spring-fed well"? It's true. Otherwise, you may one day come home and find your barrel empty and your well polluted." Proverbs 5:15

Be cautious to share your calling and dreams with others, but rather fulfill them and be faithful to DAILY WALK JESUS TALK. Get your daily bread and flesh out each day...

"Do you know the saying, "Drink from your own rain barrel, draw water from your own spring-fed well"? It's true. Otherwise, you may one day come home and find your barrel empty and your well polluted." Proverbs 5:16

I repeat - I do believe God is the MOST glorified and flattered when we walk in His perspective, which can only be gotten when we seek Him daily, be still and know He is God and walk in obedience.

Let's praise an authentic God as we flesh out our OWN STORY.

Circling Promises

"So-join the company of good men and women, keep your feet on the tried and true paths. It's the men who walk straight who will settle this land, the women with integrity who will last here. The corrupt will lose their lives; the dishonest will be gone for good." Proverbs 2:20-22

I've been reading Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. Such a convicting and very motivating book..a call to MUCH action and great faith. I can only read it in doses...because Im a believer that once you know something you are now responsible to being obedient to it....otherwise you are being negligent and most people know how I feel about being negligent. The book refreshes my eyes to scripture..when I want my Jericho..I must circle it and have faith that God will hand it over..I'm responsible for my HOPE and trust in Him.

I'm praying with intention...because I desire God to act with intention. I'm doubly circling my dreams and promises with prayer & fasting. In doing this God has been tenderly bringing some dross to the surface...as His refining always does. This gross stuff I've hidden that needs to be dealt with otherwise I'm being negligent and God WILL move on to someone else to get the job done if I'm unWILLING to change and remove things from my life.

And I'm actually finding myself a bit upset at myself. Who am I to be dealing with stuff like this...oh the arrogance...God really should find someone else to use. I'm thoroughly convinced (well was for most of the middle of the night) that I'm am irrevocably screwed up..and it was intensified because until the Lord had brought some of this up - I really thought I had it semi-together...what the heck!

Then I reached for my HOPE, I searched the tablet of my heart for truth that God had hidden there for me refer back to and I CHOSE to find my delight in Him...even though I'm so ashamed. He knows me better than myself and even the things I haven't yet recognized that I need work on - He already knows AND YET He still chose to purchase, and chooses to use and put me on display for His Glory.

I loved this verse in the message verse. I'm connecting so deeply with verses that talk about men and woman (as Im married and were about to take on a whole new land)...I love that in this verse 'Men who walk straight will settle this land, the women with integrity will last there'...

I need to have integrity. I want it so badly. I want to last in God's land that He has for those He loves.

So I'm circling that promise...this verse. And I'm being specific with God. Because when we're specific - we know when God has acted and others know He has - it removes the questioning of whether God acted or it was coincidence..I encourage you to be specific in your prayers to God. Dont be generic...God is not a generic God, not in the least.

I want integrity in the way I love my husband. I want integrity in how I raise my son and future children. I want to have integrity when I speak and in my friendships. Integrity in how I serve Jesus in public and in private.

I love what Mark said in Circle Makers "I want the people who know me the best to respect me the most"...

I want that. I want my husband and children to respect me because I'm actually genuine and I have integrity...in the places I'm the most comfortable in...my home. That's when I know the Lord got a hold of me and I let Him refine me. Then others will know...and give God the credit.

So what things would you like to circle? What scriptures fly out at you that God wants you to pray and believe for? More children? More territory? To be moved? To see happen?

HOPE: it's worth repeating

"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

I wrote about hope a few weeks ago. It was one of the most clear and timely words I've been given from the Lord.

HOPE. Such a pure word.

Tonight at life group we talked about the power of the tongue, speaking life, speaking Gods favor...we talked about living out the Hope that the Lord gave us...when He bought us and gave us His Holy Spirit.

I love that HOPE was the opening to our study.

HOPE is a feeling, and is necessary before FAITH can be born. Hope conceives faith.

Hope is necessary for there to be persistence, it is necessary in keeping us enduring!

When we are HOPEFUL AND REMAIN HOPEFUL that we will lose weight we continue to eat right and work out even when in those weeks where there is no number change. When we are HOPEFUL AND REMAIN HOPEFUL that we will get out of debt, our mind stays on track because we are HOPEFUL and we make choices that will benefit us financially...because we FEEL like we can get out of debt. When we are HOPEFUL AND REMAIN HOPEFUL even when we see no change in our marriage, we become mindful of Him who is the GOD OF THE IMPOSSIBLE!

When we are daily walking in HOPE our faith is increased and we lay ground work for God to move extravagantly!

I want extravagant moves of God...so you will find me HOPE-FULL!