Unidue. I'm still here. Yesterday I talked about and I'm just gonna cozy right on up to the subject again today. Gods teaching me something and I haven't quite got it yet..
God has been using my son to teach me expectancy and trust in Him. I take much pride in the fact thwt my son is unkike most kids...he's laid back and independent, musically inclined, and very very reflective..he acts much older than what he is. He's also my first and very dear to me. In this God is showing me how dear I am to Him and also that He desires me to be much different from His other children.
I remember this time in the 6th grade I was coming into my own. I was a bit awkward until about 9th grade. Very unsure of myself..at home I was a spit fire and assertive and opinionated...at school I was just awkward. I made this friend and I was drawn to her..we eventually became inseparable...however when she first visited my house I followed very closely behind her..constantly asking her if she liked it...what the???? The 26 year old me wants to punch my 12 year old me in the face..
But what I remember the most is my mother's facial expression...she was use to seeing this vibrant, vastly opinionated and dominant girl now cower in desperation behind a perspective friend. As if she was disappointed and even a bit hurt that I had stooped so low..that what she provided didn't seem to fit the bill....to be so concerned of the approval of another about things my parents worked so hard to achieve and give us.
Even in this memory (which the Lord brought to my mind on the way home today) God is showing me that He is much like my mom. He's seeing me and knows me...my potential, the real me...but often when put to the fire I wonder if Im still that little girl...am I unique or do I find myself sometimes walking a life not made for me? Because it is approved by our culture...am I proud of where I call home in Jesus.. 100% of the time?
And do I honor God by fleshing out His own unique story for me? When He looks at me does He see me being like everyone else..or does He see me be me...?
I don't want to shame God. I deeply want what He uniquely has for me...not anything I've read or look to as success...but what He has for me to do...and I want to do it well. I want God to be glorified..even before the "well done, my good and faithful servant"..I want Him to embrace me firmly and say it with great boast...because I brought Him my very best, my everything.
And God has something for you too...You and I are different..on the same journey to drawing closer to Him...but still very different. It's God's creativity and BIGness that is glorified when we live God's exactly yet different and unique story out. He wants originals...one of a kinds... He boasts in them and is boasted the most through them.