So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For,
"In just a little while,
he who is coming will come
and will not delay." And,
"But my righteous one will live by faith.
And I take no pleasure
in the one who shrinks back." Hebrews 10:35-38
My sanctuary - there's this place I go. To just be by myself. There are people around but it's so very individual. It's my place - no responsibilities - no roles - time stands still.
Gosh darn it! Seriously! There's a woman she's been in often. And every time she comes in I can't stop thinking about her...urged to pray for her. She wears it, this pain. This frustration. I can tell it's her place too. To get alone. Last time I saw her she talked with people near me, that she hadn't seen since apparently high school, she's near my age so I figure at least ten years. She's been married and "tried that out"...I'm assuming she isn't now..
Seriously! This is my place. I don't care...but He does.
Today she came in and walked right past me and I knew For sure God has been trying to talk to her...but she can't hear Him. Its as though I'm in this movie...it's supernatural though. The Holy Spirit inside me takes this sense of authority as she and the demons she's wearing pass by.
Her shoulders are slumped and I hear this hiss. Crazy stupid intense.
I'm instructed. But I don't want to go. This is my place - my solitude and it's hers. I'll take that away from both of us if I move the way You want me to, God.
Jamie I'm taking you to a place where you have to truly know and walk in the fact that it ain't about you. I allowed you to feel her...see her...see them. They have a grip on her. They tell her she is unloved...she is unlovable. That she is forgotten...forgotten by Me. They are lies.
Be her advocate.
Knowing this I move not unwillingly anymore.. This is injustice! How dare the enemy captivate the heart of this woman.
Holy Spirit go before me..
I tell her I'm sorry for interrupting. I proceed to tell her she has been on my mind a lot - which sounded so dumb - but it was the truth...she blurted "why?" but I knew it came from a root of "why would you consider me?...." not a "how dare you"... And I continued to tell her it is important she knows that God has not forgotten her and He wants to give her what she deeply desires..I ask her if she would like me to pray for anything specific in her life and she says her family..she then reaches her hand to eyes to wipe tears from her face - panicked I said I would and walked off...
Why did I leave her! Why didn't I see it through! What is the matter with me! I hopped in my car and just broke. I have to tell her she's loved - she's loveable. God I've messed up. Though He assured me I did fine. But why did I abandon her?
My heart broke for her. How can I be so wrapped up in my little faith that finds me doubting His love for me - when I'm sure of His love for others!?!? I'm such a brat expecting God to show up more rather than finding myself grateful for His salvation in my life..when people are bleeding from the inside out. Jesus exposed himself on a cross so that we would never be exposed to the enemy but to a Truly Loving God.....yet her pain was dripping from her very being! She was exposed to whatever spirit would satisfy or justify her pain for her. How selfish am I! Are we!?
Paul was content - whether imprisoned, shipwrecked, lost at sea, flogged...He did not give up believing the Lord was for Him! His concern was for the Lost and for the Church! (see 2 Corinthians 11:23-28)
It is impossible to do business as usual and be wrecked for the cause of Christ.
God is worthy of brokenness.. That He may prove Himself GREAT. Please find yourself in prayer for those who havent YET - BUT WILL - know the Lord..and pray also for this woman..I so sheepishly left to deal with her pain. That Jesus will show up and prove Himself and make His sacrifice evident. And if you want pray for my stupidity.